Chri's Blog

"I want her, I have wanted her for so long but I know that I cant have her. Im so confused when shes drunk she needs me and wants me but when she isn’t we are just friends and we will never be anything more. I know that i am a good guy and that i will never do anything to hurt my girlfriends, if she gives me a chance i know that she will fall for me. all i want is love, i just want to fast forward to the point in my life where i have the girl i love and want to be with to share the world with to love me back and that wants to be with me. i told her that i like her but she says i just want a girlfriend just to have one and relationships in high school are meaningless because they will not last, i know that there is a great chance that it will not last but i don’t care what if we were meant to be together, isn’t that what life is about trying to find the right person that makes you happy all the time and that you cant stop thinking about? and no i don’t want a girlfriend just to have one i need to be with someone i need to have someone there for me because my dysfunctional family and friends don’t cut it enough i need someone to talk to someone to cuddle with someone that i feel safe around, i want to cry but it has been so long that i have forgotten how so i just keep it bottled up inside and i need to vent. i want to cry so bad but i don’t want to take the chance of anybody seeing me or hearing me or they will look down upon me and crush me more than i am already crushed. I put on a fake smile everyday and try my best to pretend that i have everything figured out and under control but realistically i have know idea what i am doing i need guidance or at least someone to be with me while i get my shit together im falling and i need someone to save me."